Am I wrong for not helping my friend move when they never help me?
Your friend wants a free Saturday of heavy lifting but has never shown up for you. Here is who is actually in the wrong, and the fault split.
The friend who said no
They got asked with a few days' notice to give up an entire Saturday hauling furniture up three flights, and this same friend has skipped every time they needed help. Saying no to unpaid labor is not a betrayal of a friendship, especially when the favor has only ever run one direction.
The friend who is moving
Moving is expensive and exhausting, and asking the people closest to you for a hand is what friends have always done. They were not keeping a ledger, and hearing a flat no from someone they would have shown up for stung more than the missing pair of hands did.
The verdict
Who's at fault
The friend who is moving is more in the wrong here. The person moving is more in the wrong here. Help between friends is a favor, not a standing obligation, and someone who has never once shown up when you needed them does not get to treat your Saturday as already booked. Asking is fine, expecting is where this went sideways. That said, the one who declined is not spotless either: a flat no with no alternative lands like a slammed door, and offering two hours, a van run, or pizza money would have said "I still care" without giving up the whole day. A friendship can survive an unanswered ask, but only if both people notice which way the favors have been flowing.
“Asking a friend for help is a favor. Assuming it is a chore on their calendar is the part that actually damages the friendship.”
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