Am I wrong for refusing to always be the one who drives to my friend?
One of you lives 40 minutes away and the other never makes the trip. Here is who actually owes whom a drive, and the fault split for the fight you are having right now.
The friend who always drives
Every single hangout for two years has meant a 40-minute drive each way, gas, and parking, while the other person has made the trip maybe twice. Offering to meet in the middle or alternate isn't an ultimatum, it's the bare minimum of a friendship that goes both directions.
The friend who lives farther out
They didn't choose where their friend lives, and the suburbs they moved to for cheaper rent genuinely have nothing to do once you get there. They've always hosted, cooked, and covered drinks when their friend comes over, which they consider their half of the effort.
The verdict
Who's at fault
The friend who lives farther out is more in the wrong here. Keeping score on a friendship feels petty right up until the scoreboard is this lopsided. Hosting and feeding someone is real effort and it does count for something, but it doesn't count for two years of someone else's gas and two hours of their evening. The person who moved farther out absorbed a cost when they moved, and quietly handing that cost to a friend every weekend isn't fair just because nobody said it out loud. The fix is boring: alternate, or meet somewhere in the middle, and stop pretending driving isn't part of the hangout.
“Hosting counts for something. It doesn't count for two years of someone else's gas tank.”
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