Am I wrong for wanting to spend the holidays with my family instead of my in-laws?
You want one holiday at your own parents' house. Your partner acts like you're blowing up a tradition. Here's who's actually being unreasonable.
The partner who wants to go home
Every single holiday has defaulted to the in-laws for years, and nobody ever asked whether that was fair — it just became the rule by repetition. Wanting one year at your own parents' house isn't an attack on anyone's family, it's asking for a tradition that includes both halves of the marriage.
The partner whose family always hosts
Their family has hosted the same holiday the same way for as long as anyone can remember, and pulling out now means disappointing parents who've already planned around two people showing up. Bringing this up weeks before the date, after years of going along with it without complaint, makes it land as a surprise instead of a conversation.
The verdict
Who's at fault
The partner whose family always hosts is more in the wrong here. The default is the real problem here, and the partner defending it is more in the wrong. A tradition that only ever bends one direction isn't a tradition, it's an assumption nobody checked — and "we've always done it this way" is not an answer to "why is it always my family we skip?" Years of quiet going-along doesn't forfeit the right to ask. But springing it late, close to the date, after the other family has already planned around you, turns a fair request into an ambush. This is a calendar problem with an obvious fix: alternate years, or split the day, and decide it in October instead of the week before.
“A tradition that only ever bends one way isn't a tradition. It's an assumption nobody checked.”
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